Open evening… always an exciting time for prospective parents and the year 6s looking to do some crazy science. The atmosphere is always buzzing with laughter, wows and happy children who are looking forward to their new beginning.
Colourful flames, flammable bubbles and spectacles of delight. What sheer joy!
However, there is a sudden buzz and excitable commotion in the corridor and it is none other than the celebrity Katie Price who turned up to the open evening! No, she is not looking to adopt another child but instead is finding it hard to move down the corridor due to her recent breast enlargements. Eventually, after knocking down some innocent children on her travels, she squeezes her way to the science room where the technician is exploding a hydrogen balloon.
The technician gets ready to pop the balloon: 3…2…1… everyone cover your ears! And BOOM! A very satisfying explosion and a startled, yet pleased audience. But something is not right, the balloon is still there as whole as it was. How can this be? The explosion was heard by all!
A little girl screams in horror, it was not the balloon that exploded but…
a ghostly apparition of a mouthy girl no-one could remember and there was a strange chant.... 'ell, 'e were making. Katie's implants had exploded. Literally nobody noticed or even cared was it exoplasm or innards that covered the walls in a strangely sticky green biomass that morphed into a giant jelly baby that then opened its eyes and mouth before screaming loudly and disappearing from sight in a puff of smoke before confirming the ghost was not Chantelle but a boyfriend, one of many, of Chantelle named Tyrone. He swore upon his Nan's life to avenge her erasure from reality. He activated all six alkali metals: The Infinity Tyrone's! Half the teaching staff instantly vanished, but no technicians because who else would clean up all the mess? Then Tyrone's...
Memory failed as he accidentally swore upon his naan, instead of his nan. Tyrone went vindaloony and disappeared into the aether to join his long lost love, Chantelle. Both lived happily ever after and Chantelle's spirit found eternal peace. Meanwhile Katie Price was on her phone booking a plastic surgery appointment.
Until today, a glowing CV has just been received. Everything ticks off the person specification, a dream come true. Thank heavens, what a relief! The lead technician phones the candidate to invite her to the interview and how reassuring it was to speak with someone so gentle, eloquent and “normal” , which is always a good sign.
Interview day arrives and the candidate, Rollanda Sleevah, arrives promptly, smartly dressed and ready to be part of a great team at the outstanding rated Feelime Citrus Academy.
The lead technician warmly welcomes Ms Sleevah and escorts her to the science department. She asks if she could go to the loo shortly before the interview and of course this is not a problem.
A scream of terror emanated from the cubicle and the lead tech witnessed something just not ordinary. Rollanda has her foot stuck at the bottom of the toilet bowl, covered in excrement. With a bit of tugging, it comes lose and ignoring the ungodly foul stench the lead tech asks how it came about she got her foot stuck at the bottom of the toilet bowl.