Over heard in the lab...

Not strictly in the lab but from a collection of howlers recorded by staff.

English teacher, trying to coax "Fearful" from a class. "You're in a dark empty building, and you hear a noise behind you. What word might be used?" "Scared" was offered. "I'm thinking of a word beginning with F." "Freatened?" said a student.

Another english offering: "I looked into our pond at home and there was a lot of frog's porn going on."

And from a P.E. Exam: Looking for the answer "Netball".
Name and exclusively female sport?
Answer: Menstrual Cycling.

On return from summer holidays the caretakers had removed all pot plants from the outside for security. The teacher who had spent time sorting them out through the year wrote on the staff room blackboard "Where are the hanging baskets!?" Within seconds some wag had written
"Is it Babylon?"
 
One of my all time favourite exam answers:

Q: Which of the body's systems is different in men and women?

A: Women have more pubic hairo_O

Or from the head of history:

"Jack the ripper removed women's eternal organs then disappeared up the back passage" :eek:
 

Techitude

COMMITTEE
From a psychology teacher - "They followed his butt cheeks up and down the stairs"

Chemistry teacher who shared his a-level class with his (also chemistry teacher) wife - "When you do badly in a test I'm the one who cops out for it; my dinner ends up in the dog."

Heard from a teacher during tutor time - "I've got three words for you...SHUT. UP!"
 
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Former school....... Lesson in Biology on genetics and the breeding of chickens. Pupils given various options on breeding chickens for various uses. PGCE student then asks the class "Ok, so who has the biggest cock?" Teacher falls through my prep.room door hardly able to breathe from stifling laughter, I've got tears streaming down my face, neither of us can speak. The PGCE student is oblivious to what he has just said, half the class are collapsed over their desks, the other half are staring at him open mouthed.
 
From a psychology teacher - "They followed his butt cheeks up and down the stairs"

Chemistry teacher who shared his a-level class with his (also chemistry teacher) wife - "When you do badly in a test I'm the one who cops out for it. My dinner ends up in the dog."

Heard from a teacher during tutor time - "I've got three words for you...SHUT. UP!"
On a similar line.... this came from me, after trying to explain to one teacher why they can't do a (dreadful, impossible) practical based on an flippin' American youtube video they showed me, and me failing dismally to get my point across to this lovely, highly trained professional.......'I've got two words for you - b*ll*cks'
 
"Miss, is that hamster still dead?"

A. No she isn't, she's retired from school to my living room because she's ancient and an escape artist.
B. STILL dead?! What am I, some kind of necromancer? o_O
I got asked that about our preserved dissected rat.

Had to bite my tongue so i din't say " no it's just sleeping with it's organs floating around it" :rolleyes:
 
Just got called out to a lesson and walked in on a teacher and P16 class having a heated discussion on the best way to get the Boyles Law apparatus to read "zero" before they could start the experiment
When I pointed out that it wouldn't read zero atmospheres unless something was drastically wrong in the lab only 1 out of a class of 20 understood why that might be.... including the teacher :confused:
 
Just got called out to a lesson and walked in on a teacher and P16 class having a heated discussion on the best way to get the Boyles Law apparatus to read "zero" before they could start the experiment
When I pointed out that it wouldn't read zero atmospheres unless something was drastically wrong in the lab only 1 out of a class of 20 understood why that might be.... including the teacher :confused:
Every time we do any heating experiment there's a student stood staring at their thermometer. When asked why they haven't started, it's always "I'm waiting for it to go to zero." Suggestions about turning off the radiators tend not to be appreciated...
 
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