Lead Science Technician - Full Time -Hoc Est Iocus School, Central London - Closing 30/13/21

Salary £11464 - £11465 pro rata (dependent on qualifications and experience)
Full Time, Permanent, TTO+13 weeks

Start date: Today
Apply by: Tomorrow

Hoc est iocus seeks to appoint an ambitious, highly motivated, physically fit, attractive, young, dexterous and experienced Science Technician to work with our Science and Technology departments.
Your attitude to the job must be of the ‘can-do’ variety, with extreme resilience and flexibility at the heart of your approach with the belief of always achieving more for less and in return we promise you high challenge, support, a good salary and genuine teamwork.

You will be a lone technician serving 31 staff in 17 labs spread over 4 buildings and multiple floors who teach the ROFL Combined and Separate Sciences at GCSE and follow the LOL Kerboodle specification at Key Stage 3. Three well-resourced, state of the art prep rooms are equidistantly spaced out across the school site to enable you to successfully fulfill the role. The physics store room in particular is on the 17th floor of the refurbished Vertigo Building providing you with beautiful views of the London Eye. The school also provides state of the art trolleys with eco-friendly equilateral square wheel technology allowing you to carry equipment easily across all floors.

Hoc est iocus is an expanding 11-16 boy and girl only private school with 3646 pupils on roll in the centre of Mayfair, attracting the brightest and the best. The school is a vibrant community, rich in extra-curricular experiences, including Cricket, Girl’s Football and Nobel Prize training. Judged ‘Too good to be true’ in its last inspection in January 2018, the school has made huge strides in the last three years.

As a school, we believe in cultivating a growth Mindset in young people. By developing their resilience, love of learning and other stuff by finding inspiration in the success of others, they learn to embrace challenge and aspire to successful careers in a wide variety of areas.

Person Specification

The selection of candidates for short-listing will be based on this specification and the astral position of Alpha Centauri during the new moon of an alternate leap year. Candidates should bear this in mind when preparing their application and completing the application form.

Qualifications

• Nobel Prize in Chemistry or equivalent

• PhD in Chemistry or equivalent

• Relevant masters in a science subject

• Grade 4/C GCSE English and Maths

• Level 3 Science qualification

• Level 4 Science/laboratory qualification

Experience

• Worked or trained in a laboratory environment for at least 30 years

• Worked in a school/education science setting, ideally within London zone 1

• Worked under the direct supervision of Sir Isaac Newton or other similar established scientist

• Ability to communicate clearly and concisely at all levels whilst understanding your customer’s needs, feelings, emotions and deep desires.

• Ability to be self-motivated, to reflect on own performance within a role and to punish yourself if targets are not met.

• Ability to multi task whilst having exceptional attention to detail especially when carrying dangerous chemicals down the stairs.

• Flexible approach to work and work area, working outside normal hours such as during the night when reasonably required to do so.

• Understanding of safeguarding as it pertains to the Further Education Sector

• Understanding of the benefits of equality, diversity and inclusion within society

• Understanding of the principles of Data Protection, encryption and quantum cryptography

• Able to regularly travel abroad to personally source equipment and chemicals direct from factories

• Understanding of safely clearing up, storing and disposing or recycling of radioactive waste.

Attributes

• Demonstrable commitment to the values of the college [Passionate, Inclusive, Innovative & Optimistic], including its commitment to promoting equality and diversity in employment

• Ability to foresee unforeseen circumstances and act accordingly to prevent such unforeseen circumstances from becoming seen.

• The ability to telekinetically move items is useful, but not required.

• The ability to quickly and efficiently prioritize the rolling up of sleeves in the event of an emergency. The school will provide short sleeve shirts to facilitate this during an emergency.

• A willingness to permanently smile during all working hours.


Level of Physical Ability and Activity

• Constant, non-stop lifting of heavy weights and bulky items (sometimes both simultaneously) will be expected.

• Frequent need to move around sites will be required, though trolleys may be provided for the right candidate.
 
Last edited:
TTO+13 weeks
I see what you did there :laughing:

• Ability (...) to punish yourself if targets are not met.
Whips are supplied and purchased from whole school budged I assume?

• Ability to multi task whilst having exceptional attention to detail especially when carrying dangerous chemicals down the stairs.

So ability to juggle multiple tasks as well as to actually juggle chemical bottles?

• Constant, non-stop lifting of heavy weights and bulky items (sometimes both simultaneously) will be expected.

• Frequent need to move around sites will be required, though trolleys may be provided for the right candidate.
Access to the schools fitness suite at a discounted price included?
 
Whips are supplied and purchased from whole school budged I assume?

Hi Nabi, thanks for your questions.
You can purchase whips from our flavoured frozen cream dessert vendor, Mr Whippy.

So ability to juggle multiple tasks as well as to actually juggle chemical bottles?

Yes, but please bear in mind you may be required to do this during a real fire alarm.

Access to the schools fitness suite at a discounted price included?

The discount is included in our generous pay package.

Kind regards
HR Manager: Mr Emil Tac
 
You didn't mention the ability to magically produce extortionately priced and rarely used cumbersome pieces of equipment, most universities don't possess, out of thin air at a moments notice
 
You didn't mention the ability to magically produce extortionately priced and rarely used cumbersome pieces of equipment, most universities don't possess, out of thin air at a moments notice

Hi Labmom, thank you for your comment. You will find that we are indeed very well stocked. However in the rare event that something is needed at short notice, the school has recently invested in a wardrobe which allows immediate translocation to science suppliers.

Kind regards
HR Manager: Mr Emil Tac
 
Hi Labmom, thank you for your comment. You will find that we are indeed very well stocked. However in the rare event that something is needed at short notice, the school has recently invested in a wardrobe which allows immediate translocation to science suppliers.

Kind regards
HR Manager: Mr Emil Tac
:laughing: :laughing: Brings back memories of watching Mr Benn on a portable B&W TV!!
 
• Ability to be self-motivated, to reflect on own performance within a role and to punish yourself if targets are not met.

They definitely want a Millennial but we don't have 30 years experience. Sad times :laughing:
 
11.5K for TTO+13 weeks?! In London no less?

That is absolutely appalling!

I'm TTO in a deprived Stoke on Trent School and I started on more than that!! That wage is a flaming insult!

Also:

ambitious, highly motivated, physically fit, attractive, young, dexterous, experienced


Yeah, I'm none of these. :laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::crying:


Edit: Thought this was real because I don't speak Latin. Well played.
 
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