Over heard in the lab...

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by Jade, Sep 27, 2019.

  1. Today as I was walking through I heard:

    Miss, I thought Ammonia was a disease :D

    Made me smile after a busy open evening last night.
    Shannon, Jaytee, CovTech and 4 others like this.
  2. One of ours thought vodka was a hormone... :rolleyes:
    hadley and Jade like this.
  3. I heard a student tell the teacher that oral sex was a form of contraception... I mean they're not technically wrong :cool:
    Shannon, BioBee, Casey and 5 others like this.
  4. It is from Friday evening on throughout the weekend? :p
    stelden likes this.
  5. Most likely...
  6. Not strictly in the lab but from a collection of howlers recorded by staff.

    English teacher, trying to coax "Fearful" from a class. "You're in a dark empty building, and you hear a noise behind you. What word might be used?" "Scared" was offered. "I'm thinking of a word beginning with F." "Freatened?" said a student.

    Another english offering: "I looked into our pond at home and there was a lot of frog's porn going on."

    And from a P.E. Exam: Looking for the answer "Netball".
    Name and exclusively female sport?
    Answer: Menstrual Cycling.

    On return from summer holidays the caretakers had removed all pot plants from the outside for security. The teacher who had spent time sorting them out through the year wrote on the staff room blackboard "Where are the hanging baskets!?" Within seconds some wag had written
    "Is it Babylon?"
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  7. One of my all time favourite exam answers:

    Q: Which of the body's systems is different in men and women?

    A: Women have more pubic hairo_O

    Or from the head of history:

    "Jack the ripper removed women's eternal organs then disappeared up the back passage" :eek:
    Janeylou, Smiff12 and stelden like this.
  8. Techitude

    Techitude COMMITTEE

    From a psychology teacher - "They followed his butt cheeks up and down the stairs"

    Chemistry teacher who shared his a-level class with his (also chemistry teacher) wife - "When you do badly in a test I'm the one who cops out for it; my dinner ends up in the dog."

    Heard from a teacher during tutor time - "I've got three words for you...SHUT. UP!"
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2019
  9. From a science teacher, " Right we are going to learn about sex today, now we can do this three ways...". I had to walk out.:D
    Shannon, Boba Fett, Helen J and 2 others like this.
  10. l johnson

    l johnson myff

    Former school....... Lesson in Biology on genetics and the breeding of chickens. Pupils given various options on breeding chickens for various uses. PGCE student then asks the class "Ok, so who has the biggest cock?" Teacher falls through my prep.room door hardly able to breathe from stifling laughter, I've got tears streaming down my face, neither of us can speak. The PGCE student is oblivious to what he has just said, half the class are collapsed over their desks, the other half are staring at him open mouthed.
  11. On a similar line.... this came from me, after trying to explain to one teacher why they can't do a (dreadful, impossible) practical based on an flippin' American youtube video they showed me, and me failing dismally to get my point across to this lovely, highly trained professional.......'I've got two words for you - b*ll*cks'
  12. "Miss, is that hamster still dead?"

    A. No she isn't, she's retired from school to my living room because she's ancient and an escape artist.
    B. STILL dead?! What am I, some kind of necromancer? o_O
  13. I got asked that about our preserved dissected rat.

    Had to bite my tongue so i din't say " no it's just sleeping with it's organs floating around it" :rolleyes:
    Shannon and Emma like this.
  14. Just got called out to a lesson and walked in on a teacher and P16 class having a heated discussion on the best way to get the Boyles Law apparatus to read "zero" before they could start the experiment
    When I pointed out that it wouldn't read zero atmospheres unless something was drastically wrong in the lab only 1 out of a class of 20 understood why that might be.... including the teacher :confused:
    BioBee, Technician Q and Helen J like this.
  15. "I had to separate the three of them to the four corners of the room"
    Bernadette and stelden like this.
  16. Kat


    Seen as a title in an exercise book when I went to collect the equipment, 'Fictional Distillation'
    KeithD and Technician Q like this.
  17. I was once shown a powerpoint presentation on 'Orgies of the universe'
    stelden and Technician Q like this.
  18. Is that moonshine? "Ain't nothing to see here, just a bit of piping and a nice hot fire"
    Boba Fett, stelden and Kat like this.
  19. Every time we do any heating experiment there's a student stood staring at their thermometer. When asked why they haven't started, it's always "I'm waiting for it to go to zero." Suggestions about turning off the radiators tend not to be appreciated...
    BioBee likes this.
  20. Ouch! :D